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Go to the old blog - this blog just doesn't fit me

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Frustration

I miss my old freaking blog! I hate the name of this one - its stupid. GRRRRRRR

I am going to open the old one for a few days and see if any hits from people I don't want to check it - check it! Because I am just not feeling this one.

Tuesday Thoughts

Lots of things running through my freshly blond head today:

• The season finale of 24 SUCKED! I do not like how it ended!
• Pondering if the Ed Norton lookalike likes me, because here is the short list of antics he did on Saturday while at the firehouse: he wanted to be my partner for CPR stuff, threw paper at me when we had Infectious Disease Control class, while sitting next to him for CPR - when his phone would vibrate he would sit it on my shoulder, would do crazy things to the manikin to make me crack up laughing.........hmmmmmm.
• Wondering what the rule is when going out with the girls - when it comes to flirting and picking up guys? If you are flirting with a guy first, is it ok if your friend flirts with him too? I am out to lunch on this one. This happened to me a few times recently. Not sure what to think and/or how to proceed.
• Have to cancel some of my summer trips to the beach because of financial shit - not happy about that. Was suppose to go to VA Beach and NC in June - not going to happen now. Very sad about this.
• I like working at the firehouse over my everyday job, a career change would be a massive pay cut, but a nice new hobby it is.

My heart fell into my stomach

After an interview I had this morning, I went home and changed out of my suit. I needed to stop by the rental office to take care of some business. Guess who walks in like 5 minutes later............demon boy. He glared at me, I glared at him, we didn't speak to each other. I finished up what I had to do and went on my way.

When I got back home, I noticed I was shaking and felt nauseous. I also felt like crying, but fought like hell not to cry. I thought I was over him, but seeing him (he looked like shit by the way) all the bad memories came flooding back - not the good ones mind you.

I wonder if I will get some drunken text message or call from him now. NO I will not be picking up or answering it. But, it seems like something he would do.

It is what it is.

Ten Years Ago, I was in my Quarterlife Crisis

Ten years ago, I was 25 getting ready to be 26 and I was in a career funk. I decided to write this post mainly to tell the current twenty somethings - Don't Worry! If you are in a crisis, you will get through it!

I graduated college a little late due to the fact I changed majors four times, Political Science to Nursing to English to Criminal Justice. I worked on a major Republican Gubernatorial campaign and took a year off from school to focus on that as well. I did earn 12 credits for internship for that though. After that campaign, I was burned out on politics and after changing majors to nursing and English - I decided Criminal Justice was the best route for me. My goal was to be an ATF Agent - I did two internships with the local police and a federal law enforcement agency. However, due to a hiring freeze with the feds I was stuck working at an ice rink. That is when my crisis per say went into effect.

I am a huge ice hockey fan and Louisville was getting ready to get their first American Hockey League team - the Louisville Panthers. I decided to apply for a job in their sales department, because criminal justice careers were pissing me off. I got the job and was extremely eager and thinking that maybe I could go work for an NHL team. Let me just say, the three months I worked for that team were hell. COMPLETE UTTER HELL! I worked for assholes and they kept firing people for slow sales. Well um HELLO - Kentucky is not a hockey state - its a basketball and horse racing state. I got wind I may be the next to let go and ended up getting a job as Assistant Manager at Victoria's Secret, so I left hockey not knowing what the hell I wanted to do. I lasted at Victoria's Secret all of two weeks because it wasn't for me and I ended up quitting and was unemployed for a month.

I was starting to put applications in with local, state and federal law enforcement agencies, however in the meantime I decided to go work for the State of Kentucky in the court system. I actually really liked my job there, it was interesting, the pay - it sucked I only made $18,500 a year and had to get a second job at a Beauty Salon to help with rent and my car payment. Well finally in 2000, I got the phone call after all the police testing, physical fitness testing, interviews, I finally got hired! I was out of my crisis and starting my career -- I enter my ninth year of government service come August. I never made it to ATF, but I have worked for some amazing agencies and with some amazing people. I have experienced amazing things and tragedies (9/11). Do I have any regrets? Yes, working for that hockey team, but it is what it is.

Some ask now if I am entering a pre mid life crisis because I have taken on the EMT thing - am I bored at work? Yes, but that is because I sit behind a desk and I am an adrenaline junkie.

So to my friends in their 20's - enjoy! If you find yourself in a rut, you will get out of it! I am in a panick that I am about to be 40 in 4 years -- I am getting the crazy questions like "Where is your husband? and Where are your kids?" Good questions -- I don't know and if it is meant to be, it will happen hopefully.

EMT Fun Part One in a Million Part Series

Last night was my second night on duty and I had to work at another station, first I was excited because it is the station of the Ed Norton lookalike that I am smitten with. When I saw him last night he greeted me with a "Hey Girl!" That is when I turned into a puddle of goo. He has the bluest eyes - they are amazing!!! (Disclaimer for Brett: He does kind of have that alien shaped head going) hahaha.

Anyway, my crew though, that is another story. We all know I am an Alpha female, but I am actually nice (I know that is debatable). I was stuck with Super EMT Alpha Female last night, that had NO freaking (see NO) patience whatsoever. Another probie (short probationary EMT) and I were kind of tired of her snapping at us every few minutes. So when we got assigned radios, she started talking to us like children on how to use them, well they were exact same radios I had when I was cop. I guess she thought my finger was getting ready to press a button, so she snatched the radio and quickly turned off. I looked at her like she was loony and said "Um, I know how to use this type of radio" Now interesting enough after that, she was nice to me the rest of night.

However, I am glad that isn't my permanent house, because she would be hard to work with - two Alpha females just don't mesh well in the mix. The other probie decided she wasn't going to do jackshit the rest of the night, which was annoying because then I did double duty. It is what it is and I will learn more anyway.

I didn't see much of Ed Norton look alike the rest of the night, because we were super busy. It was like low blood sugar night last night -- every call had that issue just about. I am dragging ass today, because I just can't sleep at the firehouse -- for one its noisy and second bed isn't comfortable.

I have training tonight and this weekend -- hopefully Ed look alike will be at both :-)

Anyone Else?

This is really the day from hell!

Thanks CoIrker -

Insomnia

It's back, I can't sleep again -- why you ask? Things are bugging me -- work, money, work and money again.

I am bored at work and trying to figure out how to word the transfer letter. My job is not exciting anymore, I do redundant crap and deal with assholes from another agency that have to read what I put out. This other agency must have "Assholes Apply Here" in their posting on usajobs. Well wait, I worked for them for 5 months, but I left because of the asshole factor. So am I an asshole? Maybe.

I am just in a work funk - I do however look forward to going to EMT duty tonight -- that excites me. Where I am at right now, currently writing this post, BORED OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND!!!!

The money factor - it is what it is - I have had to cancel some fun stuff lately because of it. I won't be going to Rock on the Range this coming weekend because of money, won't be going home to Louisville because of money. The light is at the end of the tunnel. For now -- more boring weekends eating Tombstone Pizza (usually 4 for 10 bucks) and watching bad movies (Revolver, love you Jason Statham, but that movie just sucked).

Positive

The post a lot of people have been waiting for. I am completely over that person I uesd to blog about for the past six months. It feels good and I feel happy.

I think I have done a lot of positive things lately, make new friends with positive, happy people. Weed out the toxic ones and joining the fire department.

I don't have any family here and joining the fire department is going to give me that sense of family I miss. I have classes tomorrow in CPR and Infectious Disease Control. Pretty excited to go to class actually.

I just wanted to share some happy thoughts and a positive post for a change!!!

Action

Last night was FUN! Not too busy, but enough to keep me entertained. Two auto accidents, no fatals, and a flu. I entertained my new crew with a song about the swine flu on the way to pick the lady up to take her to the hospital. I am a good fit with my new crew and they are hilarious. It is hard to sleep at the firehouse, because of the noise and well it was freezing cold.

I have a crush - he is at another fire house, he looks like Ed Norton, he is new as well - he is adorable. We chatted a few times last night on calls, but we were both busy. I will see him Saturday at CPR class. Need to give him a nickname?

Before you guys ask - there is no fire pole at the house and there is no Dalmatian. However, I am allowed to have friends over anytime and we cook out a lot. So - with that anytime I am working, my friends are welcome to come visit.

Nervous

Tonight is my first overnight shift doing the volunteer EMT thing. My uniform is ready to go, but I am a bit nervous. New people, new squad to get used to. It's almost like being a police officer again. Luckily, two of the girls I went through orientation with will be there as well and are on my same squad. So, there will be some familiar faces.

Anyway, last night I had the unfortunate opportunity to see the ex's (we won't use his old name on here for security purposes) new girlfriend. She is the complete opposite of me in every way. Just picture skeletor with a brown wig. She has no figure, no chest, no hips, no ass, she looks strung out actually. I won't lie, seeing her bothered me - not sure why.

Well anyway, back to work, keep your fingers crossed for me tonight - I will post updates on twitter from time to time of what is going on at the firehouse.

Friendships

They come and go - some peacefully and some not so peacefully. I never expected in my adult life to have one end so explosive.
Actually never in my life has one ever ended with so much drama. In the past year I feel like drama is constantly in my life - men, friends, or work.


I want this drama cloud to go away! Any suggestions? Have you ever had an explosive end to a friendship?



All advice welcome!

Exhausted

This has been an exhausting past couple of days: getting ready for my first night working EMT for tomorrow night, dealing with unnecessary elementary school drama, putting together this blog, and other stuff.

I fell asleep watching 24 last night, that never happens. So you can see, I am EXHAUSTED.
My EMT pants (which are super cute cargo's versus the ugly issued ones) will be here this afternoon. I just have to figure out how to hem them. I bought the hemming tape and a needle and thread just in case. I am a disaster when it comes to sewing. In home economics class in high school, I paid someone to finish my skirt I was making.

Anyway, I am super excited to work my first 12 hour shift with my new squad beginning Wednesday night. Since the forecast calls for rain, I am sure we will be busy.

I am thinking of a planning a happy hour in the next few weeks - interested parties email me at conservativerockergirl at gmail.com or the old email address if you have it.

Welcome and Excuse the Mess

Welcome to the blog, hopefully this will be drama free and happy :-)

I really have nothing to say as of right now.

I didn't spell well in my last post haha..........

Happy Rainy Monday All!

Under Construction

Bear with me while I set up this up